One of our preparation items, the largest one, is to get his house ready to sell. In the ideal world, we'll have his house sold, then buy a house, Rob would move in first, then I would move in as soon as we get married. Rob has done many amazing remodeling to his house but it's not quite done. Our goal is to get it all done and have his house on the market by Jan. So every weekend and many of the evenings during the week, we roll up our sleeves and do whatever that needs to be done. We are making good progress, and I think if we don't hit our goal, it would be just a week delay or something like that.
So exactly why this is so important? It's not just a work item, it's about dealing with each other and work together as a team, it's about integrating each other's lives together. Remodeling work is a good emotional project. Men usually take pride in handy work. Many of them want perfection, they see 1/2 centimeter spots on the wall that needs to be touched up after painting. Women want to do touch up work but men want to put one more layer of paint to the entire room. Just minor things like that, you get my point. Rob and I managed not to get mad at each other, we didn't even raise our voices. I try not to raise my voice because I hate that, and it happens that Rob is the same way. It's good that our temperament match nicely this way.
When Rob jokes and plays around, he acts like a kid which is good because we have a lot of light heated fun. When he deals with me emotionally, he's so stead and mature and always providing me with safety and security. When we were working on the house during Thanksgiving break, I was also PMSing (can't wait to go into menopause). One day, I just started to cry because we haven't done anything but working on the house and making trips to Home Depot for days. I would wake up, shower, then put on work clothes, then... I looked in the mirror, I just started crying. Rob came and just held me tight and asked me what's wrong. I said, "I look like a bag lady, and the house is a mess because of the remodeling. I can't live like that." (More crying) He didn't think it was a bother and that I was a whiner or anything, I just told me that everything was ok. Then he was right, everything was just ok after that. I noticed that he worked extra hard that night WHILE FOOTBALL IS ON. He tried to get more done so it wouldn't be so messy because he knew that would make me feel better. He didn't say anything to me to get my praise, seek my approval, or make me feel bad, he just quietly worked. I told him I knew exactly that's what he was doing, then we hugged. I can't even find words to describe how appreciative I am. He really loves me, can you tell?
During Thanksgiving break, Rob also passed another big test. Gone with the Wind is my favorite movie of all time. I always joke that if the man I'm dating can sit through that movie in one go, yes, almost 4 hours in one go, I'll marry him. I didn't test him before we got engaged. Dannah, my daughter, told me that I shouldn't dump him even if he couldn't. I think she likes him a bit. So during the break, I brought Gone with the Wind to his house. He sat through the whole thing, and actually didn't think it's all that bad. He was waiting for the famous line that everybody knows even they've never see the movie, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" Well, I didn't tell him that that line was in the last 3 minutes of the movie. Maybe that's what kept him going. So, he passed the test, and I have absolutely no reason to call off the wedding now.
Another integration that is going to take some time, are our pets. They are not like my daughters who can verbally express what they want, what they like, what they don't like. The cats certainly don't like the barking but there was a remarkable process happened a couple of nights ago. Clio, one of the cats actually came downstairs while the dogs and us were sitting on the couch watching TV. The cats usually hide in the deepest corner of the house when the dogs are around. For her to come down openly was a great step. The dogs didn't bark either but they might not realize the cat was there.
Rob had a 18 year old cat Pyro. He adopted me pretty much the first couple of time I came to Rob's house. So I told Rob that Pyro was my cat now. About a month ago, he became really sick and ended up that he had Lymphoma, and it's spread throughout his abdominal area. Since then, his condition deteriorated very quickly. We are going to HK for about 11 days leaving next Tuesday, we knew he wouldn't survive at the boarding place while we are gone. We didn't want him to be alone when he went, he actually had stopped eating for a couple of days. During his illness, I remember he lost a lot of weigh quickly and every breath he took was in agony. The situation actually reminded me of my father before he passed. So with great sadness, we took him to the vet yesterday and walked part of the journey with him to kitty heaven. There were tears but he looked peaceful and relaxed like before he got sick, we know that he's in a better place, and we both were there to say goodbye.
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