So Close

Between Thanksgiving and New Year, it was all a blur to me. We spent most of our free time remodeling Rob's house, and we had a couple of delibrate date nights. We were so consumed in fixing up Rob's house, everything else outside of that was a deliberate effort. It's so sad that we had to make time for date nights, it's like the girls were 2 and 4 again.

The highlight of this period was Hong Kong. We were there for 10 days, and it was a great 10 days. The girls were getting well acquainted with Rob; Rob gets to meet my family and talked about beer with my brother, and he also get to be on vacation with George for a couple of days. George came down from China to see us while we were in Hong Kong. The first couple of days, the girls and I were getting our haircuts, and they focused their effort on shopping. So I sent the boys site seeing; mainly, to places that the girls and I'd been.

We had a family suite, it's basically two rooms with a door in between. Rob had the room with a queen size bed. The girls and I had the room with one queen bed and one double bed. That worked out really well, the few days that George was visiting, he shared room with Rob. Mom came and stayed with us one evening because we were taking mom to Macau with us early the next morning, so it's best that she stayed with us. I shared the double bed with mom. Mom said that it's been a long time since I cuddled with her, awwww...

Although Hong Kong was mostly for fun and introduced Rob to my family, we did get a couple of wedding items done. Rob had his suit for the wedding tailored there and should arrive by Feb. The girls had their dresses tailored there as well, so there is one less thing to worry about.

Since we made arrangement for church, reception venue, my dress, there is really not much to do in the past couple of months. But since we got back, we realize that it's getting close. I guess the remodeling effort really pulled us from the stress of wedding and the awareness of there are a "couple more things" to do. After returning from Hong Kong, the first thing wedding related things we did were ordered Rob's ring, we made the invitation, and he ordered a wedding present for me.

So in the coming weeks, we'll do the following:

• Send out Invitations and logistic information to our guests
• Get confirmation with reception entertainment folks
• Get sheet music for musicians so that we'll have music for our church ceremony
• Get the local hotel we are going to stay in the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding
• Call the flower people
• Call the rehearsal dinner lady and get the final menu so that we can send them to the guests.
• Send Bachelorette and bachelor party potential participant emails to respective organizers
• Start assigning folks to tend to the flowers for church and the reception, basically, begging good friends who would undertake the task.
• Oh, get my wedding band

Not so bad, after all.

Exactly what is wedding preparation?

When I think about wedding preparation, wedding rings, wedding gown; reception, ceremony; wedding photographer, flowers; guest list, etc. came to my mind. But there are other aspects of wedding preparation that I think most people neglect, yet it's an integral part of preparing your life together with another person. And it's the most time consuming and should be treated with great care. I haven't written a post for awhile because we've been busy dealing this particular item.

One of our preparation items, the largest one, is to get his house ready to sell. In the ideal world, we'll have his house sold, then buy a house, Rob would move in first, then I would move in as soon as we get married. Rob has done many amazing remodeling to his house but it's not quite done. Our goal is to get it all done and have his house on the market by Jan. So every weekend and many of the evenings during the week, we roll up our sleeves and do whatever that needs to be done. We are making good progress, and I think if we don't hit our goal, it would be just a week delay or something like that.

So exactly why this is so important? It's not just a work item, it's about dealing with each other and work together as a team, it's about integrating each other's lives together. Remodeling work is a good emotional project. Men usually take pride in handy work. Many of them want perfection, they see 1/2 centimeter spots on the wall that needs to be touched up after painting. Women want to do touch up work but men want to put one more layer of paint to the entire room. Just minor things like that, you get my point. Rob and I managed not to get mad at each other, we didn't even raise our voices. I try not to raise my voice because I hate that, and it happens that Rob is the same way. It's good that our temperament match nicely this way.

When Rob jokes and plays around, he acts like a kid which is good because we have a lot of light heated fun. When he deals with me emotionally, he's so stead and mature and always providing me with safety and security. When we were working on the house during Thanksgiving break, I was also PMSing (can't wait to go into menopause). One day, I just started to cry because we haven't done anything but working on the house and making trips to Home Depot for days. I would wake up, shower, then put on work clothes, then... I looked in the mirror, I just started crying. Rob came and just held me tight and asked me what's wrong. I said, "I look like a bag lady, and the house is a mess because of the remodeling. I can't live like that." (More crying) He didn't think it was a bother and that I was a whiner or anything, I just told me that everything was ok. Then he was right, everything was just ok after that. I noticed that he worked extra hard that night WHILE FOOTBALL IS ON. He tried to get more done so it wouldn't be so messy because he knew that would make me feel better. He didn't say anything to me to get my praise, seek my approval, or make me feel bad, he just quietly worked. I told him I knew exactly that's what he was doing, then we hugged. I can't even find words to describe how appreciative I am. He really loves me, can you tell?

During Thanksgiving break, Rob also passed another big test. Gone with the Wind is my favorite movie of all time. I always joke that if the man I'm dating can sit through that movie in one go, yes, almost 4 hours in one go, I'll marry him. I didn't test him before we got engaged. Dannah, my daughter, told me that I shouldn't dump him even if he couldn't. I think she likes him a bit. So during the break, I brought Gone with the Wind to his house. He sat through the whole thing, and actually didn't think it's all that bad. He was waiting for the famous line that everybody knows even they've never see the movie, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" Well, I didn't tell him that that line was in the last 3 minutes of the movie. Maybe that's what kept him going. So, he passed the test, and I have absolutely no reason to call off the wedding now.

Another integration that is going to take some time, are our pets. They are not like my daughters who can verbally express what they want, what they like, what they don't like. The cats certainly don't like the barking but there was a remarkable process happened a couple of nights ago. Clio, one of the cats actually came downstairs while the dogs and us were sitting on the couch watching TV. The cats usually hide in the deepest corner of the house when the dogs are around. For her to come down openly was a great step. The dogs didn't bark either but they might not realize the cat was there.

Rob had a 18 year old cat Pyro. He adopted me pretty much the first couple of time I came to Rob's house. So I told Rob that Pyro was my cat now. About a month ago, he became really sick and ended up that he had Lymphoma, and it's spread throughout his abdominal area. Since then, his condition deteriorated very quickly. We are going to HK for about 11 days leaving next Tuesday, we knew he wouldn't survive at the boarding place while we are gone. We didn't want him to be alone when he went, he actually had stopped eating for a couple of days. During his illness, I remember he lost a lot of weigh quickly and every breath he took was in agony. The situation actually reminded me of my father before he passed. So with great sadness, we took him to the vet yesterday and walked part of the journey with him to kitty heaven. There were tears but he looked peaceful and relaxed like before he got sick, we know that he's in a better place, and we both were there to say goodbye.

In memory of Pyro,  Oct 3rd, 1993 to Dec 11th 2010

Engagement Photo Session

It's fall in Seattle, you never know if we are getting rain or the gorgeous sunshine. Chances are, weather doesn't usually look that great in the fall here; especially when it's already in Oct. The worse thing is, it usually manages to have a few days of sunshine during the week and pouring rain on the weekend. 


After we came back from Maine, we secured a really good photographer for our wedding. We decided to do the engagement and wedding package, so we could have good photos for our invitations. After we signed the contract, we were trying to work out a date and time for the engagement session, we tried to find a sunny day, hummm... I finally accepted the fact that it's hard to find a good day between our work schedule and Rob's race schedule, I thought whatever the weather condition was, it would be fine. If it rained, we'd have love and water both in the air.  And that's exactly what happened to us, we got a full meal deal of the Seattle weather.

The session was scheduled on Sat afternoon. We had a gorgeous Friday and woke up to really promising weather in the morning but weather mood changed faster than a drama queen. By 10 or 11am, it was pouring. Our photographer called and wondering if we wanted to reschedule but I thought, by Oct, it's probably not going to get better so I told her that we would go for it. 


Rob showed up in jeans and a sweater with a nice dress shirt underneath, he looked great and seemed excited for the photo session. We met Ning, our photographer, at the Half Price Book in downtown Redmond. I personally loved that place. It's one of the older buildings with brick walls and lots of books. So we decided to take some photos inside, the only thing was that we weren't sure if they allowed photos to be taken there. So we went upstairs because we could hide a bit there. 


When we first started, I think Rob was a bit uneasy, so I tried to just wrap my arms around him, and asked him to smile. Ning, had her camera and flash, just trying to capture our goofing around. More like, I tried to get Rob to goof around. He eased up a little quickly. We then went down stair toward the back of the bookstore but we finally got caught, so we decided to meet at Redmond Town Center (RTC).


There were some lights on the tree on the main street of RTC already which created a good background for our photos. Then we went to the upper level and found some empty tables and chairs, we sat on one of them. Ning was shooting Rob and I separately with the other person's back facing the camera. When the camera was pointing at Rob, I started crossing my eyes and making faces, Rob started laughing, and I think Ning captured some good shots from it. The rest of the session involved a lot of walking around and kissing. By then, Rob was so comfortable that he initiated these full on public make out sessions. :-) I went with it, why not, I was marrying the guy anyway.


We got kind of wet and a bit cold, I had low heels on but we walked around a lot, and I think I ended up having a bit of sore toes. The most important thing was, the photos turned out great. We were very happy with the photos, and we both agreed that this session was one of the things that we considered fond memories.

Food, Flowers, Photograph

While we were in Maine, I got a phone call from the Chinese restaurant where the reception is going to be held. The manager reminded us that we were supposed to pay part of the cost soon. So we asked them to charge the amount to the card we used for the deposit. Nope, nope, nope, check or cash only. Right, I forgot, it's a Chinese place, it's all cash transaction. I thought, yes, credit card company charges merchants, it's wise of them not to accept credit cards to keep the cost low. WAIT, I forget again, they are Chinese and so am I. There were more than a few of my Chinese friends whom had their own businesses wondered why I paid so much taxes every year. They said that there were "ways" to maximize my income, paying taxes smartly was one of them. OK, I am always able to sleep at night, I think not maximize my income might work better for me, I don't mind being a bit "not smart". So I looked at the contract again, they'd take another check for half of the total cost the month before the event date. Then on the event date, they would only accept cash. Humm, I don't know about you, I think they definitely try to minimize the amount of taxes they need to pay.

I was always wondering about flowers. So the nice Chinese owner in the restaurant gave me a brochure of this place that was very good with flowers. Then she said, "yes, they are good, they are cheap, they are Russians." OK, is there a double meaning to this statement? I'll be sure to contact them because they always deliver to the restaurant. But then, is this another way for the restaurant to "maximize" their profits? But then, the world is indeed very small, today, I went to lunch with a few very good friends of mine, one of them told me the owner lady went to high school with his mom, he said he might be able to get a good deal for me. You can never underestimate the power of Asian connections.

When we were in Maine, we tried to have some photoes taken for our engagement but it was too hard to get the shading and the lighting right even though it was absolutely beautiful there. We'd been shopping for wedding photographer for awhile now, we got some recommendations and looked at their websites. We knew we found the perfect match. We really liked her work, she priced very resonably, the name of her business is called Black Cat White Cat Photography. . :-) We set up an appointment with her before we left for Maine. After we got back, we met with her, and I like her even more because she's Chinese who speaks both Cantonese and Mandarin, just like me. I don't know about Rob but I really think it's meant to be. One of her packages included an engagement session, we thought, we should just "dewit". Our session is this Sat, so I'll see how I'm going to glam up Rob. Just kidding, I like him just the way he is. I think maybe the next post, I'll post a photo or two of our engagement photo session.

Thankful

This blog is about Rob and I's wedding, and it's been 39 days since our engagement. We've been a good team and knocking work items down swiftly and decisively. Through this process, other than the excitement of getting marry, I've also learned a thing or two about myself and my wonderful fiance. I also learn that I have so much to be thankful for. To spare your time, I've summed it up to the 4 things below:

1. My daughters - Their big job that they do so naturally well was just to be there. I'm just happy that I have them with me. A lot of times, though not physically here because they live with their dad, little gesture they made that I noticed really warmed my heart. Like clearing out their schedule to go dress shopping with me. It sounds crazy, they have so much homework, it's unbelievable.
2. My friends - The outpouring support and well wishes from my friends make me understand that all these years being here in America without my family around, I actually have a great big family right here in the US.
3. Rob's family - I was very nervous in the beginning, I wasn't sure if I would fit in, I wasn't sure how they feel about me. Just like Rob, I don't think they have any expectations of me. I can just be myself, and I really feel like they take me in with open arms.
4. Rob - Love of my life. Through years of going through and struggling with life, I have forgotten at one point, I really had a list of attributes I would want in the man whom I would share my life with. When Rob and I started dating, these qualities I once wanted starting to appear again right in front of me.

I thought about being 43 years old, I'll turn 44 next year, one step closer to mid 40's but there is nothing to be afraid of or worry about anymore. Next year this time, Rob and I will be married and we are starting our lives together, we are counting from 1 again.

Rehearsal Dinner!

Seriously, I had no idea what rehearsal dinner was the first time I got married. I don't know if it's got to do with being 23 or being married in the LDS (Mormon) church, it does have a different culture, there wasn't much to rehearse because everything was in a particular order, there was really no deviation. Then, the first time I heard the term "Rehearsal dinner", it was from the movie, "Freaky Friday". In the movie, there was a big wedding and the rehearsal dinner looked just as big as the wedding. I thought, humm, that was weird, they didn't rehearse anything in the movie, it seemed like it's an extra dinner before wedding, maybe only really rich people do that.

Then my big brother Eric was getting married. Eric wanted me to sing a duet with a very nice gentleman  from his church at his wedding, so I was part of the rehearsal party. It was at a park, he had a barbecue place cater to the park. It's not big, nothing like the movie, and we actually rehearsed. Basically, who's going to walk down the isle first, and the order of the steps taking place at the wedding. It was really good, I knew exactly when I'm supposed to be standing by and getting on the stage. And the dinner was small, just family and people that had a job at the wedding. I saw it as a great opportunity for immediate family to get together and visit before the wedding day.

So, with the actual wedding venue and dinner in order pretty much within the first week after we were engaged, we knew it's time to take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements. Since we were going to have a Chinese wedding banquet, we should have a western flare rehearsal dinner, so we picked Willows Lodge http://www.willowslodge.com. It's a beautiful hotel/spa in Woodinville, WA; event catering is done by the adjacent restaurant, the Barking Frog. The chef, chef Bobby is a usual, featuring in food magazines; Rob and I have dined there before, and everything we had was delicious. I sent a mail to them a couple of weeks ago requesting a proposal. They sent back the venue rental cost and a set of menu. Like most places, you could choose between buffet or plated dinner. Rob and I preferred plated dinner. I was, however, confused about the plated dinner price and menu, there were so many options to choose from but I wasn't sure how the cost map to different options. We also would like to see the place as well. There were different rooms accommodate different party size, we had our sight set on the library.

We arrived a bit early, Rob started taking photos of the place, by the way, the photos are on Facebook, check it out, it's a beautiful place. The event manager came and showed us the library, it's just as I imagined, Rob seemed to like it as well, though I didn't know if he had any expectations of the library. He did notice one feature, there was a big flat screen TV on the wall. He asked if we could put football or baseball on if it's a game night. I gave him the "look", and he just started giggling.  Eventually, we did settle for no talking about putting any kind of games the night of the rehearsal dinner. I also asked the event coordinator if she could put something up to hide the TV, just in case, so nobody would be tempted. :-)

After that, we set down and the coordinator explained how the plated menu worked. Everything just fell into place, we paid the deposit, signed the contract, and we had a place for our rehearsal dinner. The only thing that's left is wait until Nov when their menu for Nov to May comes out, we can send that to our guests and have them choose their main course, then we'll be all done. We are looking forward to rehearse. :-)

Tending to the Details -getting Rob 's house ready to sell!

As you can tell by now, we are getting our wedding planning done in lightening speed. We have everything on the list, now it's time to actually tend to the list. 


This week, we met with our realtor so that he could give us tips on what to improve/fix for Rob's house to be on the market. Nik, my realtor, was great. He's sold 2 places and found 2 places for me. If you need good realtor, I'll give you his info.  I was a bit worried because the first time I went to Rob's house, my GPS took me to a wrong house. I didn't think Nik could find the house. But he sure was a professional. He showed up fashionably 3 minutes early. Rob was unloading my bike from my car as he pulled in. 

A quick tour was in order. Rob's bathroom and  kitchen were beautifully remodeled. There were just minor details we needed to tend to upstairs as we expected. Downstairs was what we worried about. Good  news was, after meeting with him, we realized that we didn't need to do a few things we planned on doing in the basement, or just needed to do a water down version of what we planned. That's good! But then, we also found out that the market was a bit worse than we thought. Fortunately, our price point wasn't the same as our competition, ours was lower, so that might give us an edge. Ours was more affordable for sure. So we planned on getting things done and put it on the market mid-Jan. Rob had a lot of experience with home improvement, he knew that there were many dependencies so he's not as optimistic about the Jan timeframe than I was. I knew it would happen on time. I just somehow knew.


 I think getting his house ready to sell might be the biggest test of our relationship thus far. Life will throw many things at us but we'll be ok. I think we are seasoned (old?) enough to figure things out. We've talked about work items and timeline, etc. We are petty much in agreement. So this is one of the interesting item that's worth for everybody to follow. Let's see if we make it with laughter Or anger. :)